Thoughts of a Father

At first I was thinking, "Now that I'm back, I'll sum up this whole entering into parenthood thing." But then I realized that's all I'll be doing from here on in...constantly assessing, second guessing, etc. But I will say this: I am surprised at my reactions thus far. Pleasantly so. On the outside I come across as patient. At least that's what I'm often told. Those of you that know me well know that this does not run deep and got a good laugh at that. My gosh, just ask anyone that was around me in the early days of my learning to play tennis. I think I still owe some apologies for those days. I've learned over the years to control it on the outside, but I still lose it on the inside.

One of my greatest concerns heading into parenthood has been what my response would be to persistent crying. Granted Lily is not really a difficult baby thus far. She, like any child, has her bouts of cries, screams, and tantrums. Sure I've felt the uneasiness of it, but my response has been far better than I preconceived. I'm not so naive as to not realize, and I can already hear some of you saying, "Just wait. You've only been a dad for two and a half weeks." I KNOW I'll have my moments when I utterly and completely lose it. I'm just pleased to see how I've changed over time on the inside. And it's a change I completely attribute to the grace of God. When I hear people question the existence of God, it's fun to see Him at work in your own life. This change in me is completely outside of me. I could fool others on the outside but to see it on the inside is wonderful.

I pray it continues.

I hate to have a pictureless post. I wanted to find something that captured the mood while I'm writing. The image above quickly popped into mind. This was taken in the garden of our last hotel in China, the Dongfang Hotel in Guangzhou.